Today, I am happy that Barack Obama was elected as our next President. I’ve supported him since the summer of 2007 and tried to spread the word about his candidacy through 2008. I’m glad that the nation will turn the corner and head down a brighter street.
But that’s where my contentment ends.
This week, I’m going to have to deal with the fact that I’m angry. Truly angry. In what is supposed to be one of the most welcoming, open states in the union - my home state of California - the population voted to write prejudice and discrimination into the state’s constitution. “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” Into the constitution.
I’m angry because this result was not caused by something that gays and lesbians in California failed to do. I can guarantee you that pretty much every gay and lesbian in the state turned out and voted “no”. But we only make up ten percent of the electorate. At best. We’re a small minority. As a minority we have to rely on the majority to act fairly, to follow the law, and where necessary act as their better natures direct.
No, this result was caused by that majority, the straight people of California - people who regularly like to think of themselves and promote themselves and their state as progressive and open - actively deciding to strip rights away from a minority. To intentionally choose to inflict damage on other people who have done nothing to them. To decide collectively to punish the few for being born different from them.
I’m angry because the truth has been laid bare. This wasn’t the result of some special election, low turnout or Republican electoral strategy. Turnout was at record levels, it was a Presidential election, and Republicans were busy containing damage elsewhere to pay attention to what was happening in California. No, this was a decision by a good majority of straight Californians. Including those that voted for Barack Obama. Including Democrats. Including those in urban areas. Including African Americans. Including other minorities who ask that we act fairly, follow the law and act as our better natures direct but aren’t willing to do the same.
This wasn’t a failure of gays and lesbians to “stand up for our rights”. We spoke up. We’re visible in California. We are an integral part of the economy and social fabric of the state. We’re one of the reasons the California is different from other places.
No, this was a failure of our straight friends. Our families. Our colleagues. This was a failure of those who we consider our allies to act on what they believe. A failure to protect. A failure to advocate. A failure to stand up and ask, “If we, the majority do this to a minority, what will we do next? And to which small group of people next?”
Months ago, I discussed the discrimination amendment with a long time straight friend of mine. I have no doubt that he would act to protect me if I was in harm. I have no doubt that he considers me part of his family. I have no doubt that he, himself, voted “no”. Months ago he told me, “Don’t worry Mark, this will never pass. Not in this state. It’s ridiculous.”
I was skeptical, but I appreciated the support. It didn’t stop me from reaching out to all of my straight friends to ask that they make sure to vote and to talk with their friends and help spread the “no” message and counter the ridiculous arguments being plastered in the media and across the countryside by the proponents of discrimination. And it didn’t stop me from making sure my gay friends did the same.
But the poll results speak for themselves. My friend’s attitude was commendable, but I now realize that that attitude was a splinter that has enshrined, at best, the infection of “separate but equal” within our constitution and has possibly set the stage for far, far worse. His attitude that “it could never happen here”, I’m afraid, was the attitude of the vast majority of the straight allies that we trusted to help us stop this constitutional assault.
It turns out that even in California, the majority of straights have decided that discrimination is ok as long as it applies to someone else. It’s ok as long it doesn’t apply to them. It’s not like this amendment outlawed divorce. It’s not like it outlawed adoption by “married” couples. No, it just impacts a few. It’s just 10%.
I’m angry that I am having to concede that we will live in a world of separate but equal, likely for my lifetime. That I will have to budget for increased legal fees in the future to protect myself and my partner – costs that no straight person has to consider. That I cannot rely on my state to treat me as an equal in the eyes of the law, because now the law says specifically that I’m not to be equal.
And I’m angry that I will have to look over my shoulder and keep my guard up. Because, even in California, there are people who wish me harm. And, even in California, there are bystanders who aren’t willing to say “stop”.
